Lost And Bound
by smittypots
Summary: You don't realize what you have until it's gone. The story of how Barbara Gordon recalls the last weeks leading up to her becoming paralyzed, and the difficult month she spent coping from the aftermath. Rated M for drug use and attempted suicide.
1. Chapter 1

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: I do not own any of the DC characters. POV of Barbara Gordon.**

Summary: [[One-Shot]] You don't realize what you have until it's gone. The story of how Barbara Gordon recalls the last weeks leading up to her becoming paralyzed, and the difficult month she spent coping with the aftermath. Rated M for drug use and attempted suicide.

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7:30AM | Wayne Mansion | Barbara Gordon's POV

(BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!)

I'm startled by the alarm of my clock, and angry at myself for forgetting to switch it off before I went to bed. Although I'm a little relieved because I was having a weird dream. I was in a public restroom⏤with me it's always a public restroom with multiple stalls or a large shopping mall; some place with lots of people and very little privacy. Anyhow, I was in the ladies room surrounded by other women some older, some younger than me, who just got done or had to use the restroom much like myself. I search for an available stall to use, but can't find one that is empty or clean enough to suit me. Then all of the sudden the women simultaneously stop what they're doing to stare at me, which is creepy to say the least.

But before I can find out what happens next is when I was awoken by my alarm. I've been meaning to change the setting from ALARM to RADIO. I'd much rather wake-up to the pleasant sounds of music instead of having a heart attack from the alarm. I roll over to turn it off noticing the clock reads 7:30AM, which in my mind is too early to start my day. I roll onto my back to stare up at the ceiling. I contemplate the idea of getting out of bed anyways, but the clock changes to 7:31AM, so I decide to stay in bed until it reads 7:35AM. I close my eyes waiting for the time to change.

_C'mon. Change already. 7:35AM that's when we're going to get out of bed. Open your eyes. No. Don't! If you stare at the clock it will take even longer for the time to change. Speaking of change why not just change the setting now? If you wait to do it later you know you'll forget, and have a repeat of right now. I really don't want to because I have to open my eyes to do that._

_I really have to go to the bathroom. Screw what time the clock reads. Just get out of bed and go to the bathroom. That is a legitimate enough reason to get up despite the time. No. You promised yourself you would lay here until the clock reads 7:35AM. We're sticking to the plan. Okay just open your eyes. What's the worst that could happen?_

I roll over to look at the clock while slowly opening my eyes. _YES! 7:35AM. Go to the bathroom before the clock changes again_.

I get up by swinging my legs over the side of my bed. I stretch on my way to the bathroom, which is literally five steps across the hall from the entrance of my bedroom. While in the bathroom I decide to take a shower noticing Alfred placed clean towels on the towel rack. I strip out of my pajamas, take my hair out of a pony tail⏤leaving my scrunchy on the bathroom counter near the sink, and hop in the shower. _ARGH! I'm not the first person to use the shower_.

Despite the bathmat being dry there are water droplets at the bottom of the tub, and the shower head has been repositioned from the last time I used it. That can only mean one thing: Dick is at the manor too. _I'm willing to bet there isn't any hot water either_. I regulate the water then reposition the shower head away from me so I don't get scolded or freeze. I reach out my hand to test the water, which feels Luke warm at best, so I know I have to take a shower in under fifteen minutes.

Knowing that, I decide to turn the shower head; the water can runs down my back, easing the tension of my aching muscles from last nights patrol. My eyes close at the relief from the sensation of the tension being released, but I quickly open them reminding myself of my limited window to finish showering. Sometime later I shut off the water, open the sliding door to retrieve my towel, then wrap it around myself before stepping out onto the bathmat. I collect the rest of my belongings that I scattered throughout the bathroom then retreat back across the hall to my room. In the short trip I accidentally bump into someone.

"Oh. Sorry. I didn't think to look before leaving the bathroom…"

To my horror it's Bruce. _Oh man. He's not usually up or around at this hour. Why me? Why not just take off my towel and have a nightmare!_ At first he turns away making an effort to cover his eyes, but once he realizes I'm wrapped in a towel and not completely naked I catch him peeking. My cheeks begin to burn with embarrassment as I start to blush. He just stands there for a moment then begins to bend down as if to pick something up. I wonder why, but quickly realize he's retrieving my scrunchy that I dropped.

"Here. This is… What is this?" he asks.

I politely take it from him. "It's my… Uh… It's called a scrunchy. Or a pony tail holder. Or hair tie…"

He smiles at me while watching me fumble over my words of how to explain something so simple. _Why do I have to make everything more complicated than what it actually is? He doesn't actually care what it is! Just take it from him and shut-up!_

He continues on his way down the hall, not bothering to turn back around to take a second glance at me. I dart into my bedroom, close the door, and lock it with hopes of avoiding any further embarrassment. I lean up against the door to take a moment to breathe, but as I exhale the towel drops. Just then I hear what sounds like someone else in the room with me, and hear a distinct 'thud' as though someone has just bumped into something.

"Good heavens, Miss Gordon!"

"Alfred?!"

"Miss, I'm terribly sorry. I was just on my way out."

_He must've come in here to turn down the bed while I was in the shower. Now I'm sure this is a living nightmare!_

I use my hands to cover myself up, but the damage is already done. I watch as Alfred⏤who I imagine feels just as mortified as I⏤attempt to leave my room while fumbling around as he feels for the door knob. He nearly trips over my towel trying to get out. I re-lock the door once he's left the room, so I can change without any further interruptions. I feel so humiliated by the back to back experiences that once I'm done dressing I can't even bring myself to go down stairs for breakfast.

Instead, I decide to sneak out of the window and climb down the trellis. Getting out the window is the easy part, but climbing down the trellis proved difficult. I am nearly halfway down when my pant leg, along with my left foot, gets tangled in the vines causing me to loose my footing. _Oh crap!_ I can feel myself falling, but have no way to stop it. I close my eyes tightly, bracing for the impact I know my body is about to make with the ground, but I feel something stop me. Rather someone, I can feel myself being carried so I open my eyes to see who it is. It's Dick. He's looking at me smiling from just having caught me after falling. I feel flattered, but further embarrassed knowing the only reason he was there to catch me was because he must've been watching me.

"You should leave the acrobatics to me," he says smiling while still holding me.

My eyes lock with his as I lay in his arms unable to speak.

"You can, uh, put me down now."

"Yes," Dick nervously clears his throat, "Of course."

I straighten myself out after he sets me down. It's weird seeing him now. Considering its been months since I had seen him last. _You should thank him. If not for him you could have seriously been injured_. Dick turns to walk away.

"Wait! I wanted to thank you."

He walks back towards me. Dick has an amused look on his face as he crosses his arms in front of his chest. I then begin to wonder, _Was he at the right place at the right time, or did he in fact watch me make a fool of myself for his own amusement?_

"What were you doing sneaking out the window anyway Babs?"

_Babs. I use to love when he calls me that_. "That's a fair question. I⏤uh, I…"

Knowing the truth behind how I ended up in this situation made me not want to answer for myself. What would I say?

_But of course Dick. Let me tell you all about how you're no longer the only member of the Batfamily to have seen me naked. Both instances of which were accidents by the way. I nearly died of embarrassment from Bruce seeing me in nothing but a towel, and on top of it Alfred caught me stark naked in my bedroom while turning down the bed. I was so mortified that I felt I had no other choice but to literally escape the situation by going out of the window_.

I step towards him putting weight on my left ankle, which hurts like hell causing me to grimace in pain.

"Ow!"

"Easy? Are you all right?"

Dick offers himself for balance while assisting me to a near by bench. I sit down while he kneels with my foot propped up on his knee to examine my ankle. He unties my shoe torturously slow then gently removes it from my foot. _My God, why did I break up with him again?_ He then pushes up the pant leg of my blue jeans around my calf to get a better look at my ankle. His hands begin to gently massage my foot, which feels great until he travels to the injured area sending a shooting pain through me.

"Careful! That hurts!"

"I know. It looks like a sprain. We'd better get you inside to treat this."

"No! I mean. No."

Dick gives me a puzzled look. I understand his confusion. I still haven't explained myself even though he gave me the opportunity to. Although at this point facing Bruce and Alfred after the humiliation of this morning, will hurt a lot less than the pain I am currently experiencing from my sprained ankle.

"Why not? If we don't get some ice for your ankle it will swell even worse."

I was in no position to argue with him. He helped me up off of the bench, hobble across the yard, and back into the mansion. We make it past the threshold, to the entryway where Dick thwarts me from going the direction I want, which is the sitting room.

_The farther away from Bruce and Alfred the better. Bruce is probably in the Batcave or at Wayne Tower, and Alfred is probably in the kitchen_. Dick walks us past the sitting room all together, and I know we are headed straight towards the dining room. _No! Anywhere but in there_.

He ignores my silent pleas and pulls up two chairs from the dining table; one for me to sit in and a second one for me to prop my leg on. While he's doing this my eyes frantically scan the room to see if Alfred or Bruce are anywhere in sight.

"Wait here Babs."

_As if I have a choice_.

"I'll be right back. I have to get something."

"What do you have to get? Where are you going? Hey! Don't leave me here!"

It's no use. Dick has left the room. Alfred enters the dining room pretending to act nonchalant while dusting a bowl of wax fruit. _God, he's so ashamed he can't even look at me!_ I hear footsteps behind me, so I turn to look in hopes that it's Dick returning, but see that it's Bruce instead. Unlike Alfred who couldn't bare to glance in my direction, Bruce takes immediate notice of me, but turns to walk away until he sees that I'm injured. I can hear Dicks footsteps from behind me as he rejoins me in the dining room.

"Babs. I've got the…ice pack."

"What happened?" asks Bruce with genuine concern in his voice.

"I literally caught her from climbing down the trellis," replies Dick.

My cheeks begin to burn again with embarrassment as I start to blush. Alfred has stopped pretending to dust the fruit bowl joining the huddle of guys I am now surrounded by. Dick applies the pack of ice to my ankle soothing the pain.

"What were you doing climbing out of the window?" asks Bruce

"She won't answer," says Dick, "I asked her the same thing earlier. What makes you think she'll answer you?"

Before I can answer for myself Alfred speaks up.

"Master Bruce, I'm in need of some assistance in the kitchen. Won't you please join me?"

"Since when do you need help in the kitchen Alfred?" Bruce wonders.

Alfred begins to usher Bruce out of the dining room and into the kitchen where I imagine they exchange tales of their awkward morning encounters with me. Meanwhile, I am left alone with Dick who is still drilling me for an answer of his own. Luckily, Alfred and Bruce return from their chat, putting a stop to any questions Dick might have by simply telling him that it doesn't concern him.

They take me to the doctor just to be on the safe side where they confirm it is in fact just a sprain, and I'm to treat it by wrapping, icing and elevating my ankle for the next two weeks. They were the longest two weeks of my life. I hated not being able to fight crime let alone go out on patrol. Being cooped up in bed was no fun, but little did I know it would pale in comparison to the events that had yet to happen.

In three months time I'd be wishing a sprained ankle is all I had because soon I would lose the use of my legs completely. By the time I was done serving my recovery sentence, was unfortunately the same time Dick had to return to Bludhaven. I never really did figure out why he came back to Gotham. Perhaps he just got lonely and wanted to be surrounded by some familiar faces, or maybe Bruce really did need his help with something.

* * *

2:15AM | Wayne Mansion | 2-Weeks Later | Barbara Gordon's POV

What I do know is I'll never forget the last time I did see him. It was late in the evening, Bruce was away on patrol watching over the city, while Alfred was dismissed for the evening. Dick was the only one there to take care of me, but he'd passed out in an arm chair he pulled up by my bedside. I sat up leaning over to try to reach the crutches, so I could go to the bathroom, but ended up knocking them over and out of reach all together. The sound startled Dick awake.

_Just a little farther_. I leaned as far as I could to try to reach the crutches that Alfred left propped up against the door frame. _Why did he leave them so far away?_ My finger tips are just able to make contact, but they force the crutches farther away causing them to fall over. _Damn it! That's not what I meant to do_. I hear a soft drawn out snoring noise coming from Dick, who wakes up, from the sound of the crutches falling. I glance over to see that I woke him up.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you. I just have to go to the bathroom."

He gets up from the arm chair approaching my side of the bed. Up until that point I am under the impression he is going to retrieve the crutches for me to use. I couldn't be more wrong. Instead, he steps over the crutches to scoop me up in his arms, carrying me to the bathroom. It makes for the longest most romantic five steps of my entire life. Dick sets me down on the toilet, leaving the room, shutting the door behind him allowing me my privacy. Once I'm finished doing my business he opens the bathroom door. He attempts to lift me with the intention of carrying me back to bed, but I protest his actions.

"Y'know, you don't have to carry me."

"I know. But you should keep your weight off of that ankle."

I don't argue allowing him to pick me up to carry me back to bed. On the short journey back I decide to try something with hopes of not crossing a line. I make the conscious decision that I'm going to go in for a kiss. He lays me down on the bed and just as I release my arms from around his neck I pull him down to me so his lips meet mine for a kiss. My eyes close as I cherish the moment. _I don't feel him resisting. That's good. Mmmmm. I forgot how soft his lips are._

The kiss is firm yet gentle, and open mouthed but no tongue. Just then I feel him reach for my face to deepen the kiss. My eyes open long enough for me to see his close, and I shut mine too. It lasts for fifteen seconds ending as he inhales then exhales and pulls away to look at me. There's an unspoken bond in that moment between us as everything is conveyed in that one look after our shared kiss. As sure as that look in his eyes is, it quickly fades turning to one I've seen before. A look of uncertainty. The one he used every time before we officially broke up.

"I'm sorry…Babs I..." is all he's able to say.

I'm left laying there feeling like a moron expecting him to walk out of the room all together, but instead he just stands there as I look up at him. That same look on his face. Dick rubs the back of his neck out of nervous habit. I then begin beating myself up mentally for having the idea in the first place. _What possessed you to think kissing him was a good idea in the first place? Why, why did I have to kiss him!_ Just as I'm about to apologize for my actions he explains himself.

"I…I'm with someone. I didn't know how to tell you."

_Is that the only reason he came back to Gotham; to tell me he's with someone else?_ My heart breaks a little hearing the news. I also feel a little jealous. Which surprises me because I didn't think I was the jealous type.

"Her name is Starfire. Technically it's Koriand'r, but she goes by Kori for short. She's a superhero too. I met her when I was with the Teen Titans. I actually think you'd like her."

I'm livid. My heart and my ankle were in too much pain for me to think clearly. I try to react as calmly as possible. I muster a little smile before replying.

"I'm happy for you."

I am unable to look at Dick any longer, so I turn my head away from him.

"Babs, please don't shut me out."

What I say next comes out harsher than intended. "Don't '_Babs_' me. You don't get to Babs me after telling me that!"

I take pity on myself, which is not something I usually do. I also start to cry⏤another rarity. What Dick does next is completely unexpected, which is crawl in bed next to me. He holds me assuring that no one and nothing can replace what we have, and that there will always be a special place for me in his heart. _He's such a boy scout, but I love him. I'll always love him_. I feel myself relax as I fall asleep in his arms, but when I awake the next morning, he's gone. The rest is history. A week later my ankle healed, Dick left, and three months later I had my accident. If you can even call it that.

* * *

7:45PM | Wayne Mansion | 1-Month Later | Barbara Gordon's POV

It's now a month after my accident, and I'm bound to this stupid chair at the mercy of around the clock care provided by Alfred and Bruce. I wait until dinner that night to break the news that I no longer want to live with them at the mansion. Bruce is argumentative, but I make a compelling argument: the mansion simply isn't handicap accessible. The bedrooms⏤mine included⏤are all on the second floor, so Bruce has been carrying me like a small child for the past few weeks up and down the stairs. I always pictured being carried in his arms.

I just never pictured me having to lose the use of my legs for it to come true. Once Alfred is done clearing the table from dinner I tell him to draw me a bath. Bruce carries me upstairs to the guest bathroom, testing the water to make sure it's not too hot. He insists on sitting in the bathroom with me to ensure my safety. I tell him I may not have the use of my legs, but that doesn't mean I can't use them to kick his butt. I'll be damned if he sits in to watch me while I bathe. Bruce reassures me that he'll be right outside the door if I need him. I lock the door then listen through only to hear him pull up a chair right outside the door.

I wheel away from the door catching a glimpse of myself in the full length mirror that hangs on the back of the door. I look tired. I look defeated. I feel depressed. I try to see if my reflection is visible in the mirror that hangs just above the sink, but it's no use. I can just about see the top of my head. I'm definitely one of those people who are long in the legs, but short in the torso. It then dawns on me that the mirror also doubles as a medicine cabinet.

Once I manage to get the cabinet door open I notice a pill bottle on the first shelf. With the help of a loofah brush I am able to reach the pills. The label reads ZOLPIDEM, prescribed to BRUCE WAYNE, by doctor LESLIE THOMPKINS. _These are sleeping pills!_ I see the date they were prescribed noting they were given to him a little after the Jason Todd tragedy. That was a difficult time for Bruce. He really did have trouble sleeping after that.

I figure what harm could it be to take a few myself, so I pop a couple in my mouth. I'm unable to put the pills back in the medicine cabinet, so I just leave them on the counter near the sink. I undress then lift myself out of my wheelchair and into the tub. As I submerge myself into the water it feels good to have a moment to myself so I can just relax. At this point I've been in the bathroom alone for at least thirty minutes.

After a while I start to feel the effects of the medicine kick in as I begin to drift off to sleep. I can feel myself slowly but surely sinking in the tub, but am unable, and unwilling to stop it from happening. Suicidal thoughts flood my mind that I've never thought before, such as _If I were to die would anyone miss me? Maybe it's better this way. Just drift away._

The water level is just above my bust line. My eye lids get heavy as I sink further. The water level is up to my neck. I sink a little further. The water level is at my nose where I continue to sink effortlessly. Bruce knocks on the door to check on me, but when I don't respond right away he kicks the door down. It startles me, but I am unable to react accordingly since I'm under the influence of prescription medication. I hear him call for me, but my response is a gargling sound from me being completely submerged under water.

"BARBARA!"

He quickly gets over his own embarrassment from my nudity once he realizes I'm drowning in the bathtub. Bruce is but a blur to me as I force my eyes open to watch through the water. He stands over the tub, pulling me up and out, carrying my soaking wet, drugged out, paraplegic body over to the bed. He screams for Alfred to call an ambulance then spots the pill bottle on the sink. He races over to it to see how many are left in the bottle. Meanwhile, I lay there, soaking wet, nude, shivering, going in and out of consciousness, and struggling with whether or not I want to be saved.

"Barbara, can you hear me? It's Bruce. How many pills did you take?"

He grabs me by the shoulders expecting an answer, and does something completely out of character. Although my vision is blurred I know he began to cry because I felt his tears fall onto my face as he cradled my head to his chest. All I remember after that is being hospitalized, for how long I don't know. If I had to guess I'd say over night. I was discharged the next morning. Dad brought me back to the mansion where I was ambushed by him and Bruce. If you can believe between the two of them I was more afraid of Bruce than my dad. Bruce sat at the head of the dining room table awaiting for my arrival.

"Thank you Jim. I'll take it from here."

My dad wheeled me up to the table where he left me alone to talk with Bruce. I sat at one end of the table while Bruce sat clear at the other end. Rather than get up I think he purposefully sat that far apart from me so he could do what he did next. He took the pill bottle, rolling it clear across the length of the table, without falling off. It stopped in front of me. I knew a lecture would follow so I tried to stop it by speaking first.

"Listen, I know what I did was wrong…"

Bruce furiously slams his hands down on the table causing me to jump.

"No! You knew," His voice rising with each syllable, echoing throughout the walls causing me to feel smaller. "You knew exactly what you were doing. You knew that it was wrong, and yet you went through with it anyway. I thought you knew better? I thought that you knew of all of the decisions and choices we're forced to make that suicide is NOT one of them!"

Bruce got up from his seat making his way over to sit in a chair closer to mine.

"I want to know why."

I swallow hard. "Why did I do what I did?"

"No. Why you didn't tell me how truly depressed you felt. Why you didn't feel like you could tell me, and why you felt you had to hide it from me."

I got defensive with him. "Look who's talking! Mister-stuff-all-my-emotions-deep-down into my core to the point they've started to rot. '_I don't want to feel my feelings. It's scary!_' With however long you've been playing superhero it's no wonder you aren't afraid of the villains. No! You're afraid of your own feelings!"

Bruce shoots me an unamused look before he takes his turn to speak again.

"Yeah. I suppose you're right. It is scary feeling something for the people that you love."

He scoots out of his chair exiting the room.

"Don't take it so personally Miss Gordon," says Alfred from behind. _Had he been there the whole time_? Alfred steps into my view pulling up the chair Bruce was in next to mine.

"Why not? Isn't that his intention. To make those around him feel smaller and less significant than himself."

"Master Bruce has experienced more pain and trauma in a lifetime than anyone should."

I avert my eyes from Alfred's, unable to look at him, simply staring down at my lap.

"Not that I would wish it on anyone, but until he loses the use of his legs I seriously doubt that."

"I assure you Miss Gordon. He may not know what it's like to lose the use or feeling in his limbs, but he has experienced the pain of loss."

"He doesn't strike me as the kind of person whose afraid of losing anything or anyone."

"On the contrary my dear. He was afraid of losing you."

This caught my attention. I direct my eyes on Alfred and see the sincerity and genuineness of what he is saying to me.

"Really?" _I feel like a jerk for suggesting that Bruce has no feelings_.

"He might not know how to show it, but he does care."


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: I decided to add a second chapter as a sort of insight to the other characters including Bruce, Dick & Alfred.**

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1:30AM | Wayne Mansion | Everyone Else's Point of View

In the middle of the night during a rain storm a cab pulls up just outside of the gates to the entrance of Wayne Mansion to drop someone off. The car comes to a screeching halt as the passenger pays the driver then exits the vehicle. Alfred watches through the window in the sitting room as dry lightning flashes across the sky outlining a male figure heading through the gates and up the path to the entrance. To Alfred's knowledge Bruce isn't expecting any company at this hour. He would double check by asking to make sure, but Bruce had already gone out for the evening.

As a precautionary measure Alfred arms himself. He grabs the fire poker from the fire place, but he puts it back deciding to go with the shovel instead, to defend himself against the potential intruder. Alfred paces himself while reaching for the door knob; his heart racing all the while. He slowly opens the door while raising the shovel with his other hand ready to render the intruder unconscious. Swinging with all of his might, Alfred attempts to hit the intruder. The intruder narrowly misses being hit by jumping out of the way in the knick of time.

"WHOA! Hey, Alfred It's me! Dick!"

"Master Grayson?!"

Alfred feels relieved that it isn't an intruder, and drops the shovel as it falls with a loud metal clanking sound on the hard marble floor.

"You gave me quite a fright. I thought you were an intruder. Please, come inside before you catch your death. You're soaked to the bone."

Dick's t-shirt and jeans were drenched through and through sticking to him. He slicks back his wet hair before coming inside. He looks around noting that nothing had changed in his long absence. Bruce wasn't a man you said, 'No' to, so when he summoned Dick back to Gotham City he didn't refuse. Dick stands in front of the fire place rubbing his hands together for warmth. Alfred picks up the shovel placing it back where it belongs then joins Dick in the sitting room. He clears his throat to make his presence known expressing his displeasure that Dick has tracked mud onto the carpet. Dick looks behind the butler noticing the muddy foot prints.

"Sorry."

"Apology accepted."

"So you were going to defend yourself with a shovel?" asked Dick while raising an eyebrow.

"You should consider yourself lucky."

"How so?"

"I originally went with the fire poker. But I thought that would be too barbaric."

Dick slips off his shoes handing them to Alfred who places them by the front door. Sometime later Alfred rejoins him offering him some tea. Dick politely declines while snuggling under a blanket that was draped across the back of the couch.

"Don't you want to get out of those soaking wet clothes?" asks Alfred.

"Sure I do, but I don't have anything else here."

"Oh, balderdash," says Alfred. "I'm sure Master Bruce has something that will fit you."

"Where is he?"

"Out."

"Out? What has Bruce Wayne got a hot date?"

"No. He's patrolling."

"Aren't you going to ask me why I'm here?"

"On the contrary, I'm sure if you're here it's not without good reason."

The clock above the fire place strikes two. Dick lets out a yawn while stretching. "You know what? I'm pretty tired I think I'll just turn in for the night."

* * *

7:30AM | Wayne Mansion | Everyone Else's Point of View

The next morning Dick had forgotten where he was as his eyes had not yet adjusted from sleep. He rolled over from his stomach to his back then sat up in bed to take in his surroundings. An armchair that sat in one of the corners caught Dick's eye. He saw the pile of clean clothes that occupied the chair knowing it was the butler's doing.

_Thanks Alfred_.

Aware he still wanted to wash up, Alfred left Dick a towel in the bathroom, too. Dick showered, watching as all of the dirt and grime rinsed down the drain in a grey swirl. He shut off the water, wrapped the towel around himself, then heard an alarm go off. Dick presses his ear against the bathroom door to listen just to be sure.

_Bruce didn't tell me that Barbara was staying here too. Leave it to him to keep things to himself_. Dick races to cover his tracks so she won't know he's here. He trades the wet bathmat for a dry one, takes his towel with him, and darts back across the hallway, narrowly escaping an awkward run-in with Barbara.

Bruce makes his way upstairs to the second floor lost in his own train of thought. _I wonder of Dick made it in last night or not_. Despite his training and discipline of only needing a few hours of sleep each night a small yawn still escapes from him. _I would never have bothered inquiring his help if I didn't think I could handle this particular case alone_. He rounds the corner of the stairwell continuing on his way. _I hope my hunch on this new lead in the case is wrong, but I have a bad feeling that I'm right_…

"OOOF!"

Bruce was so lost in thought that he didn't even realize he ran into someone in the hallway. That is until the other person apologized to him. It's Barbara. She's standing practically naked in front of Bruce who averts his eyes until he realizes she's got a towel wrapped around herself. He notices that she dropped something after colliding with him so he bends over to pick it up.

"Here." This is… What is this?"

He smiles at Barbara while watching her fumble over her words of how to explain something so simple. _God, she's so cute when she gets flustered. I shouldn't have even asked_. He knew what it was. He just wanted an excuse to chat with her a while longer. _Poor girl. She can never tell when I'm teasing her._ Once Barbara finished her explanation, Bruce continues on his way down the hall not bothering to turn back around to take a second glance at her. He peaks his head into Dick's room, but he's not there. _Hmmm. He must be down stairs already. _Bruce heads back down stairs.

Alfred finishes turning down the bed in Dick's room, so he moves on to Barbara's room. Just as he's done making up her bed, he hears the door close. His eyes grow wide with shock like they're about the pop out of his head. In the process he runs into an end table. It's Barbara. Her towel dropped exposing her everything. Ever the gentleman ⏤ Alfred covers his eyes with both hands.

"Good heavens, Miss Gordon!"

"Alfred?!"

"Miss, I'm terribly sorry. I was just on my way out."

He fumbles around the room with his eyes still covered while feeling for the door knob. Alfred nearly trips over Barbara's towel trying to get out of the room. He feels mortified, but it's not like he can go back in there and apologize. He hears her lock the door. _I'm so sorry_. He turns to leave hoping to put the incident behind him.

Dick is outside of the mansion in the garden talking aloud to himself. He isn't crazy. He's just rehearsing a speech he wants to give to Barbara. To him, fresh air has always helped him relax more.

"Barbara. No. Too formal," Dick starts again, "Babs. No. Too personal." He lets out an outward sigh, "Listen. We've known each other for a long time…"

He spots Barbara's bedroom window open with her climbing out of it. Hoping he hasn't been spotted he ducks behind the hedges. A grin forms on his face as Dick watches in amusement at her not-so-graceful efforts at going down the trellis. However, his expression quickly fades from amusement to concern once he realizes that she has lost her footing. She is nearly halfway down when her pant leg, along with her left foot, gets tangled in the vines causing her to lose her footing. He races over knowing she's going to fall. Thankfully he was there to catch her in the knick of time.

"You should leave the acrobatics to me," says Dick smiling while holding Barbara.

Her eyes lock with Dicks as she lays in his arms unable to speak.

"You can, uh, put me down now" says Barbara.

"Yes," Dick nervously clears his throat," Of course."

He turns to walk away, but Barbara calls after him.

"Wait! I wanted to thank you."

He walks back towards her. Dick has an amused look on his face as he crosses his arms in front of his chest. "What were you doing sneaking out of the window anyway Babs?"

_Whoops. I've been practicing my speech too long. I wasn't suppose to call her that. Then again, look at the way she lights up when I call her that. She still has the hots for me_.

"That's a fair question," says Barbara. "I⏤uh, I…" Barbara steps towards Dick putting weight on her left ankle, which hurts like hell causing her to grimace in pain.

"OW!"

This snaps Dick out of his loving day dream as he watches her expression turn from loving to pain.

"Easy? Are you all right?"

He offers himself for balance while assisting Barbara to a near by bench. She sits down while he kneels with her foot propped up on his knee to examine her ankle.

"May I ascertain your foot to see if you're injured?"

Barbara nods her head as Dick unties her shoe slowly then gently removes it from her foot. He then pushes up the pant leg of her blue jeans around her calf to get a better look at her ankle. Dick gets the idea to try something sensual…he begins to massage Barbara's foot, which he can tell feels great to her from the expression she has on her face. Until he travels to the injured area sending a shooting pain through her.

"Careful! That hurts!" says Barbara.

"I know. It looks like a sprain. We'd better get you inside."

"No! I mean. No."

Dick gives her a puzzled look._ I know she can be stubborn, but of all of the times to argue she chooses now_.

"Why not? If we don't get some ice for your ankle it will swell even worse."

Barbara is in no position to argue with him. He helps her off of the bench, hobble across the yard, and into the mansion. They make it past the threshold, to the entryway, and head straight for the dining room. He pulls up two chairs from the dining table; one for her to sit in and a second one for her to prop her leg on.

"Wait here Babs," Dick heads out of the dining room. _Crap. I need to quit calling her that. She's going to think something is up_. "I'll be right back. I have to get something."

Barbara calls after him. "What do you have to get? Where are you going? Hey! Don't leave me here!"

Dick heads into the kitchen to grab an ice block from the ice box. He wraps it up in a hand towel so it doesn't freeze his hand.  
Alfred decides to head to the kitchen to prepare dinner. He has a feather duster in hand from just having dusted the book shelf in the library. He spots Barbara in the dining room, but rather than panic he remains calm. Alfred acts nonchalant while pretending to dust a bowl of wax fruit.

Bruce's stomach rumbles while sitting at the computer banks in the Bat Cave echoing through the cave walls. No thanks to his embarrassing encounter with Barbara he skipped out on breakfast. He takes his glasses off rubbing the bridge of his nose where they pinched. Getting up from his chair he heads upstairs to the kitchen in hopes that Alfred will whip him up a snack to tide him over before dinner. He makes it to the dining room where he practically turns on his heels at the sight of Barbara until he notices that she's injured.

Dick returns with the ice pack. "Babs." _Shoot. I've got to stop calling her that_. "I've got the…ice pack."

His face falls at the realization that it's no longer just the two of them. He was hoping to get a moment alone with Barbara to tell her something in confidence.

"What happened?" asks Bruce with genuine concern in his voice.

"I literally caught her from climbing down the trellis," says Dick.

Bruce and Dick observe as Barbara's cheeks begin to burn with embarrassment as she starts to blush. Alfred has stopped pretending to dust the fruit bowl joining the huddle of guys Barbara is now surrounded by. Dick applies the pack of ice to Barbara's ankle soothing the pain.

Bruce rubs his chin asking, "What were you doing climbing out of the window?"

"She won't answer," says Dick. "I asked her the same thing earlier. What makes you think she'll answer you?"

Before Barbara can answer for herself Alfred speaks up. "Master Bruce, I'm in need of some assistance in the kitchen. Won't you please join me?"

Bruce wonders, "Since when do you need help in the kitchen Alfred?"

Alfred begins to usher Bruce out of the dining room and into the kitchen where they exchange tales of their awkward morning encounters with Barbara.

"Sir, I believe I know why Miss Gordon is acting out of sorts," begins Alfred who is interrupted by Bruce.

"Is she pregnant?" asks Bruce.

Alfred's eyes grow wide at Bruce's assumption. "Good heavens, I should think not, but no…I don't think she is…that's beside the point."

Meanwhile, Barbara is left alone with Dick in the dining room who is still drilling her for an answer of his own. Luckily, Alfred and Bruce return from their chat, putting a stop to any questions Dick might have, by simply telling him that it doesn't concern him. They take Barbara to the doctor just to be on the safe side where they confirm her injury is in fact just a sprain, and she is to treat it by wrapping, icing, and elevating her ankle for the next two weeks.

They were the longest two weeks of Barbara's life. She hated not being able to fight crime let alone go out on patrol. Being cooped up in bed was no fun, but little did she know it would pale in comparison to the events that had yet to happen. In three months time she'd be wishing a sprained ankle is all she had because soon she would lose the use of her legs completely.

By the time Barbara was done serving her recovery sentence, was unfortunately the same time Dick had to return to Bludhaven. As it turns out Bruce was right about the lead in the case he was following up on. In the process Dick sustained an injury of his own⏤coincidentally to his leg. He figured karma is funny that way. Bruce sent him packing dismissing him from the case.

* * *

2:15AM | Wayne Mansion | 2-Weeks Later | Everyone Else's Point of View

"Good night Master Grayson," said Alfred who was headed for the front door.

"You're leaving?"

"I've been relieved of my duties."

Dick glances up at the clock over the fireplace. "Oh, I didn't realize it was that late."

"Yes well, Miss Gordon is asleep upstairs. I left her crutches near the doorway. I'm going home to get some sleep while I still can."

It was late in the evening, Bruce was away on patrol watching over the city, while Alfred was dismissed for the evening. Dick was the only one there to take care of Barbara, but he'd passed out in an arm chair he pulled up by her bedside. She sat up leaning over to try to reach the crutches so she could go to the bathroom, but ended up knocking them over and out of reach all together. The sound startled Dick awake.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you. I just have to go to the bathroom," says Barbara.

Dick gets up from the arm chair approaching Barbara's side of the bed. Up until that point she is under the impression he is going to retrieve the crutches for her to use. Instead Dick steps over the crutches to scoop her up in his arms carrying her to the bathroom. He sets her down on the toilet, leaving the room, shutting the door behind him, allowing Barbara her privacy. Listening through the door Dick hears the toilet flush as Barbara finishes doing her business.

"Are you descent? Can I come in?" asks Dick with one hand on the door knob.

"Yes."

Dick enters the bathroom attempting to lift Barbara with the intention of carrying her back to bed, but she protests his actions.

"Y'know, you don't have to carry me," says Barbara with her hands on her hips.

"I know," replies Dick who looks down at her feet, "but you should keep your weight off of that ankle."

This time Barbara doesn't argue with Dick allowing him to carry her back to bed. It's only a short journey back to her bedroom, so he decides he wants to tell Barbara what he's been meaning to for the past few weeks. As Dick lays Barbara down on the bed she releases her arms from around his neck. She pulls him down to her so his lips meet hers for a kiss. Barbara's eyes close as she cherishes the moment. _Babs. I want to pull away, but this feels…so safe. So familiar. So right. God, I missed kissing you_.

The kiss is firm yet gentle, and open mouthed but no tongue. Just then Barbara feels Dick reach for her face to deepen the kiss. Her eyes open long enough to see his close, and she shuts her eyes, too. It lasts for fifteen seconds ending as Dick inhales then exhales and pulls away to look at her. There's an unspoken bond in that moment between them as everything is conveyed in that one look after their shared kiss. As sure as that look in Dick's eyes is it quickly fades turning to one Barbara has seen before. A look of uncertainty. The one he used every time before they officially broke up.

"I'm sorry…Babs I…" is all Dick's able to say.

Barbara is left laying there feeling like a moron expecting him to walk out of the room all together, but instead he just stands there as she looks up at him. That same look on his face. Dick rubs the back of his neck out of nervous habit. He begins beating himself up mentally for leading Barbara on.

_Man, why did you kiss her back? You're with someone. You were suppose to tell her weeks ago, but now you went and complicated things by kissing her. You're only going to end up hurting and confusing her some more._

Just as Barbara is about to apologize for her actions Dick explains himself. "I…I'm with someone. I didn't know how to tell you."

Barbara's face crumples. Her heart breaks a little hearing the news.

Dick continues, "Her name is Starfire. Technically it's Koriand'r, but she goes by Kori for short. She's a superhero, too. I met her when I was with the Teen Titans. I actually think you'd like her."

Dick studies Barbara's face trying to gage her reaction.

Barbara musters a little smile before replying, "I'm happy for you."

Dick watches as Barbara rolls onto her side. "Babs, please don't shut me out." He can tell she is furious with him from her tone.

"Don't Babs me. You don't get to Babs me after telling me that!"

Dick can't take the sight of seeing one of his oldest friends in such pain; emotional and physical. What he does next is completely unexpected, which is crawl in bed next to Barbara. He holds her.

"No one and nothing can replace what we have," says Dick as he drapes and arm around her. He lovingly kisses her temple. "There will always be a special place for you in my heart."

Dick and Barbara lay like that for quite some time, he feels her relax from falling asleep in his arms. Once he's sure that she's asleep he carefully slides his arm out from under her so as not to wake her. He stands in the door way and whispers 'Goodbye Babs' then leaves.

* * *

7:45PM | Wayne Mansion | 1-Month Later | Everyone Else's Point of View

It's now a month after Barbara's accident, and she's bound to a wheel chair at the mercy of around the clock care provided by Alfred and Bruce. She waits until dinner that night to break the news that she no longer wants to live with them at the mansion.

Alfred comes to take Barbara's plate. "Thank you Alfred. Dinner was delicious," says Barbara.

"You're welcome," replies Alfred who smiles at her.

"I'm so stuffed I don't think I could eat another bite," says Bruce patting his full stomach.

"Oh. Well, I guess that doesn't mean you saved any room for dessert?" asks Alfred.

"I don't want to live here anymore," blurts Barbara.

Bruce and Alfred turn to look at her simultaneously.

"I feel like I'm too much of a burden. It's too much of a hassle for the both of you taking care of me all of the time…" says Barbara who is cut off by Bruce.

Bruce argues, "Nonsense. You're not a burden. We don't mind taking care of you. End of discussion."

"Sir," chimes Alfred, but Barbara interrupts him with a compelling argument.

"The mansion simply isn't handicap accessible," points out Barbara. "The bedrooms⏤mine included⏤are all on the second floor."

Bruce has been carrying Barbara like a small child for the past few weeks up and down the stairs. She always pictured being carried in his arms. She just never pictured herself having to lose the use of her legs for it to have to come true. He doesn't try to argue any further with Barbara. Once Alfred is done clearing the table from dinner Barbara asks him to draw her a bath.

Alfred heads upstairs to the guest bathroom to draw Barbara a bath. It's the only bathroom door large enough for her wheel chair to pass through. He heads back down stairs to have some dessert. He slaved over a hot stove figuring the least he could do is enjoy the taste of his own creation. Alfred baked a pie enjoying every bite of it. Barbara is at a loss of words as Bruce carries her up the stairs to the guest bathroom. He tests the bathwater to make sure it's not too hot. He insists on sitting in the bathroom with Barbara to ensure her safety.

Barbara turns to look at him. "I may not have the use of my legs, but that doesn't mean I can't use them to kick your butt."

"Fine," assures Bruce. "I'll be right outside of the door if you need me.

Bruce steps out of the bathroom pulling up a chair right out side of the door. He sits cross legged with his arms folded over his chest. His eyes are serious as he focuses on the bathroom door with a stare he's practiced in the mirror to intimidate bad guys. He knows that won't get Barbara to open the door, but it makes him feel that he has some control of the situation. After thirty minutes go by he grows concerned; knocking twice on the door.

"Barbara? Are you okay?"

He presses his ear to the door, but is unable to hear anything. He calls out to her a second time, but she doesn't respond. He throws his entire weight up against the door. It doesn't budge. He rubs his shoulder knowing a bruise would form there later, but given the circumstance he didn't care. Bruce knocks the door down with one swift kick. He notices that she is completely submerged under water.

"BARBARA!"

Bruce quickly gets over his own embarrassment from Barbara's nudity once he realizes she is drowning in the bathtub. He is but a blur to her as she forces her eyes open to watch through the water. He stands over the tub, pulling Barbara up and out, carrying her soaking wet, paraplegic body over to the bed.

"ALFRED! Call an ambulance," says Bruce.

The butler dials 9-1-1 and is patched through to an operator, "9-1-1, this is Laurie. What emergency services do you require?"

Bruce spots a pill bottle on the sink. "No…"

The label reads ZOLPIDEM, prescribed to BRUCE WAYNE, by doctor LESLIE THOMPKINS. The date they were prescribed is a little after the Jason Todd tragedy. That was a difficult time for Bruce. He really did have trouble sleeping after that. Meanwhile, Barbara lay there soaking wet, nude, shivering, going in and out of consciousness, and struggling with whether or not she wanted to be saved. Bruce comes back in the room standing over her.

"Barbara! Can you hear me? It's Bruce. How many pills did you take?"

He sits down next to her on the bed, grabbing her by the shoulders, expecting an answer. When she doesn't respond Bruce does something completely out of character. He cradles Barbara's head to his chest while crying. The ambulance arrives as paramedics rush to aid Barbara. They load her onto a gurney, cover her with a blanket, and wheel her away. Bruce insists on going with them, but Alfred stops him.

"Sir, let them do their job."

"LET ME GO!" screams Bruce

The paramedics drive off.

* * *

10:00AM | Wayne Mansion | Everyone Else's Point of View

Barbara is discharged from the hospital. A police escort is waiting for her. Only it's not the police it's her father. Commissioner James Gordon. She wonders why he doesn't bother lecturing her. She figures its because she's been through enough in the last 24-hours. The drive home between them is silent. The route he takes doesn't lead back to their place, but to Wayne Mansion. A sinking feeling hits Barbara as a pit forms in the bottom of her stomach. The Commissioner wheels his daughter through the mansion, to the dining room, where Bruce is seated at the head of the table, awaiting her arrival.

"Thank you Jim," says Bruce, "I'll take it from here."

The Commissioner wheels Barbara up to the table leaving her alone to talk with Bruce. Barbara sat at one end of the table while Bruce sat clear at the other end. Rather than get up Bruce purposefully stays seated that far apart for dramatic effect. He takes the pill bottle, rolling it clear across the length of the table, without it falling off. It stops in front of Barbara. She eyes the bottle, knowing a lecture would follow, so she tries to stop it by speaking first.

"Listen," she begins, "I know what I did was wrong…"

Bruce furiously slams his hands down on the table causing Barbara to jump.

"No! You knew," Bruce's voice rises with each syllable echoing throughout the walls causing Barbara to feel smaller. "You knew exactly what you were doing. You knew it was wrong, and yet to went through with it anyway. I thought you knew better? I thought that you knew of all of the decisions and choices we're forced to make that suicide is NOT one of them!"

Alfred stands in the kitchen listening to Bruce and Barbara's '_private_' conversation. He couldn't help it. Bruce's commanding voice boomed through the mansion. He didn't mean to ease drop. He stood frozen. He listened as he heard Bruce get up from his seat, making his way over to sit in a chair closer to Barbara's.

"I want to know why," says Bruce in a calmer tone of voice.

Barbara swallows hard before answering, "Why did I do what I did?"

"No," he corrects her. "Why you didn't tell me how truly depressed you felt? Why you didn't feel like you could tell me, and why you felt you had to hide if from me."

Barbara gets defensive. "Look who's talking! Mister-stuff-all-my-emotions-deep-down into my core to the point they've started to rot. '_I don't want to feel my feelings. It's scary!_' With however long you've been playing superhero it's no wonder you aren't afraid of the villains. No! You're afraid of your own feelings!"

_That can't honestly be what she thinks of me?_ Bruce shoots Barbara an unamused look before taking his turn to speak again.

"Yeah. I suppose you're right. It is scary feeling something for the people that you love."

He scoots out of his chair to leave; the sound of it scraping on the floor hurts Barbara's ears. Alfred waits until Bruce is gone to make his presence known.

"Don't take it so personally Miss Gordon." He pulls up the chair Bruce was sitting in next to Barbara's.

"Why not? Isn't that his intention. To make those around him feel smaller and less significant than himself."

"Master Bruce has experienced more pain and trauma in a lifetime than anyone should."

Barbara averts her eyes from Alfred's, unable to look at him, she simply stares down at her lap. "Not that I would wish it on anyone, but until he loses the use of his legs I seriously doubt that."

"I assure you Miss Gordon. He may not know what it's like to lose the use or feeling in his limbs, but he has experienced the pain of loss."

"He doesn't strike me as the kind of person whose afraid of losing anything or anyone."

"On the contrary my dear. He was afraid of losing you."

This catches Barbara's attention. She directs her eyes on Alfred, and she see's the sincerity and genuineness of what he is saying to her.

"Really?"

"He might no know how to show it, but he does care," says Alfred.

Bruce is in the Bat Cave standing in front of the display case of super hero suits: the Batman suit, the Robin suit, and the Batgirl suit. Just then he hears the lift being operated behind him. He sees Alfred and Barbara descending on it. The lift comes to a complete stop before she unlocks the safety brake, so she can wheel herself off of the wheelchair lift. Bruce turns to look away from her, but he can still see her in the reflection of the display cases.

"Oh, now you're going to ignore me?" asks Barbara adding, "When, uh, did you install that?"

Bruce responds after a long pause. "While you were in the hospital." Another moment of silence is shared between the two before he speaks again. "Do you know why I became Batman?" he asks placing his hand on the glass of the Batman suit.

"Because you lost your parents…" replies Barbara.

"No."

"Why then?" asks Barbara. She listens intently; hanging on to his every word.

"I lost myself," explains Bruce as he turns to look at Barbara. "Everyone thinks that two people died that night in that alley, but three people were killed. The person who shot my parents made we wish I were dead, too. For the longest time I was. Dead. Inside. It was only by becoming Batman that I was able to live⏤to feel alive again."


End file.
